Cheers to 30 Years: My True Fear

It is time to kiss the good old 20s good-bye and begin the next chapter as a 30 year old! Yikes!

In all honesty, I guess the thought of 30 doesn’t really bother me. I’ve always been that girl who was ready for the next big thing, charging through life and taking it on head first. As a child, I started a few days’ worth of kindergarten and moved to first grade. I got work release my senior year so I could save up money instead of staying at school. I took college classes in high school so I could graduate college in 3 1/2 years and start teaching right away. My husband and I bought a house together about a month before we were engaged! We were married long before we decided to have children and well, as you can see we didn’t wait long between each one for the next one to come along! With all that being said…

I’m ready for 30 and for slowing down.

I look back on my life and think to myself…”Girl, why did you rush it?!” You can’t go back on that time again. You can’t go back to the days that you were a little kid running barefoot and free, playing kick the can till the street lights turned on. The days are gone where you sat on the phone for hours poring over all the things that happened that day at school. The anticipation of the dance… that “nerv-cited” feeling as all eyes were glued to you during the big game… that sideways glance that made your stomach do somersaults and kept you up all night wondering.

This was my childhood playhouse that my Dad (pictured here) built for me 28 years ago when I was 2!

It just makes me think of the Tracy Adkins song “You’re Gonna Miss This”.

20s were fun. Life was a whirlwind of late nights, exciting changes, and welcomed adventures.

But 30s…

30s will be even better. I’ve accepted the “mom-bod” that’s evolved. It is time to say to hell with it and just wear the darn swimsuit. Instead of worrying about what it might look like, I know now to embrace the changes. I have the wisdom and experience that can only come from time and experiences. My confidence has grown and matured. I now am okay being me and embracing the quirks that make me who I am. I realized as I looked around at all the family, friends, and neighbors that are here celebrating with me that I’ve got amazing support and love.

My cousin even surprised me and flew in to celebrate with us!

My True Fear of Getting Older:

Truthfully, the thought of my kids getting older is more frightening to me than me aging. I’ve always been the one that worries that I might miss something. What if I don’t see them do something big or I can’t be a part of an important moment?

One of my biggest fears is that the memories of them will not stick with me. Hence why I take a million photos. I want to hold on to everything they do and all their funny little nuances. The fresh baby smell and the touch of their smooth, buttery skin to be forever accessible to me. I want my senses to remember all the things that make them my babies.

This time when they are little is such a blur of sleepless nights, shower-less days, and more coffee than I should truly admit. You are so busy and engrossed in everything. The changes happen so fast and just when you think you have something figured out, it all changes again. It is somehow in that fog of being a mom of young kids that you are supposed to store all those important memories.

Somehow you are supposed to remember the moment even when at that time you didn’t realize it was so important.

It is true that you never know it is the last time until later on when you reflect back on it. As you pack away those tiny outfits you never realized it was the last time they were going to wear them. The last time they stare up at you when you nurse and you watch their eyelids growing heavy. That last time their tiny hand slips into yours as they trustingly gasp on to you when crossing the street.  That time when you held them and they wrapped their little arms around you and nuzzled their sweaty forehead into your neck, it was the last. You don’t realize that before long they won’t want you to carry them down to bed.

My honest fear isn’t me getting old. It is my kids getting older. I know that it will come with great changes and exciting adventures but this is what I know right now. Although it is crazy and stressful, it is beautiful. I am not ready to let that go.

So cheers to 30 years…and while I can’t slow down how fast my kids grow up, I can slow down the day-to-day so I can enjoy every minute.

How do you (or did you) feel about turning 30? Do you have advice for your 30s? Leave a comment and tell me your thoughts!

 

2 thoughts on “Cheers to 30 Years: My True Fear”

  1. Wow, that pulled at my heartstrings 🙂 I turned 30 in July and can completely relate! I don’t feel older at all, but I look back at pictures of them growing up and can’t believe how quickly time is flying by! I don’t mind getting older myself, but I wish they’d slow down a little.

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